1:19 AM October 6th

Exactly one month since the last time we exchanged words. You've always had weird timing. I shouldn't have picked up the phone but I couldn't help it -- I wanted to hear your voice. Drunk, lonely, self-depreciating. You sounded tired in the way that it takes more than a good night's sleep to fix. You miss me. Everyone asks about me. It never stopped surprising me that other people in your life knew that I existed. You always kept me at such a distance, I never thought that you'd have anything to say about me to anyone that mattered. Keep repeating how much you messed up, how you want to take me out next week to that place I like so much. I wanted you sad, alone, missing me and thinking about how much you gave up. Now I just feel sorry for you. And of course, the constant stream of "I love you" that fills any silence more than a beat or two. I don't know what to say to any of it. Maybe it's true, but you don't love me right.

Grateful

TC: All of the feelings.

Does anything break more young hearts in this day and age than the unclear, we-like-each-other-but-not-enough-to-put-it-on-Facebook, vague connections? So many people are involved in them and they’re typically unhappy and/or unsatisfied. Because the having sex, or hanging out together part only lasts for so long, then there’s all the time in between to think about wanting more from them.
Some are mostly in it for hookups; others spend a substantial amount of time together but never take it to the next level. And then there are those who literally perform the actions of a relationship: dinner, movies, hugs, kisses, sweet nothings, sex — but no label or commitment. The openness of tag-less, promise-less connection is a killer.

Kind Of, Sort Of Dating, Maybe

No one wants to be the person who is made fun of for caring too much about something, who treats in earnest a situation that everyone else considers absurd. Even in personal relationships, feeling too heavily invested while simultaneously understanding that the other person couldn’t be more detached is one of the most profound feelings of embarrassment we can experience. Because it isn’t simply the embarrassment of making a mistake or a poor choice, it’s a shame over the kind of human being you are and how you see the world around you. To be shamed for your sincerity is to be reminded that you are dependent on something which is not dependent on you — that you are, once again, vulnerable.

I Will Always Care Too Much

Thought Catalog has been cutting deep the past few days. Or maybe I'm just tired.