cyber confessional.

Will I ever be relaxed enough to enjoy it? On your failed attempt to bed a defective human being: Don't take it personally. Maybe the reason that this never works is because it's always with the wrong person.

Always wanting what I'm too scared to ask for. Curled up on a freezing cold bus for a 6 hour trip in the wrong direction. I should be sleeping but I can't let this rest. Do you ever wonder if you'll ever be better than "good enough"? I want to be the one that you can't get out of your head. I will never ask for anything again. Throw away my whole life. Wave goodbye to my best friends and the city that saved me. Let me sleep beside you. 

"Even the suburbs would be okay with you beneath my sheets."

This is it.

Thick cycling thighs under shorts and skirts. There isn't much use in fighting them now. Sunshine is recharging my batteries. Sleep with all the windows open. Sweat it out. Just when you think you're surrounded by your circle of friends you're back to square one. Lost in the triangle of my brain, heart, and mouth. I was weaving through traffic on Michigan today, free and focused. You don't think about how close you come to getting hit until you're sitting at home at night. Tempted to pick up the phone and give in to the drunken suggestions but I know that it's not what I really want and I have settled enough. I'll buy a twin before I let a beggar sleep in the queen. I feel like my expiration date is closing in.

Straighten my back and pedal harder.