I wish that you could accurately convey pure, violent rage with a keyboard.

"Part of Eve's Discussion" -- Marie Howe

It was like the moment when a bird decides not to eat from your hand
and flies, just before it flies, the moment the rivers seem to still
and stop because a storm is coming, but there is no storm, as when
a hundred starlings lift and bank together before they wheel and drop,
very much like the moment, driving on bad ice, when it occurs to you
your car could spin, just before it slowly begins to spin, like
the moment just before you forgot what it was you were about to say,
it was like that, and after that, it was still like that, only
all the time.

I am the patron saint of lost causes

Are there words stronger than "fuck you"? Take some responsibility.

I can't believe that this is what I've been reduced to. I was stupid to ever trust you.

I build things up in my head to be infinitely better than they ever were or could have been. All I want is for my brain to be quiet and my stomach to stop twisting. It's tempting to just give in. I have to keep my constant mantra: that which doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. I was due for a little tough love from myself. Keeping my phone within reach is as reckless as smoking while pumping gas. I would set you on fire if I knew I'd get out alive. Someone remind me that you're not worth the effort. Someone save me from myself.

write it down but don't ask for help

revisionist history.

Blank pages have more potential for beauty but the straightest line I can draw is from my brain to the keyboard. It's a dangerous disconnect in that modern war sort of way. A city is destroyed with the push of a button. Game over.

You checked out early. I need lessons on letting go. You could use refresher courses on apologies and fidelity.